no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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