she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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