Duck Duck Cougar?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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