My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
