It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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