these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
