'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
