I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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