Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
