So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
