It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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