it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
