i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
