go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
