my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
