make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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