We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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