I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
