you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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