peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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