just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
