I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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