If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
