his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
