His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
