out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
