She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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