naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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