You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
