Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
