you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
