I think my vagina is haunted
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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