my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
