I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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