Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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