My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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