just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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