I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
