took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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