I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
