I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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