I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
