Nicole vs. Life
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
