Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
