So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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