If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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