fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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