remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As shirtless as possible
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
