So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
