so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
