Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
