i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
