I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
